Things to let go of?
Not you! Your life is perfect!
You have the house, the career, the family, that people dream of!
Yet, you feel unhappy and empty!
So let me say that again. Things to let go of?
You know there are things you need to let go of right now so you can be truly happy, but you continue to hold onto them anyways.
Why is that?
Why are you hanging on to these negative things for so long?
I’ll tell you why.
Why You Hold On To Things That You Need To Let Go Of
Holding on to things that cause you misery is really stupid.
Pretty much everyone and their mama wants to be happy. Yet, it’s so hard to let go of memories, thoughts, beliefs, traditions, that bring pain and confusion into your life.
Ironic huh? It’s like you are having a battle with your mind EVERY SINGLE DAY!
I don’t want you to think you’re crazy because you’re not. There is a reason why negative impressions last longer than positive ones.
Research shows that we remember negative events and thoughts better than positive ones for evolutionary reasons.
I guess back in the day, when we wrestled mammoths and ate tigers, (by the way don’t quote me on this, this is how I see ancient times in my mind), being able to remember negative events would help us in life threatening situations.
But, now things have changed.
We aren’t living like cave men anymore so we have a lot less threats to worry about.
This means it’s time to let go of the things that are stopping you from living the life you worked so hard to create.
I want you to be happy boo! Which is why I am about to do this to you…I’m so sorry!
To make sure that your not just scanning this article, I dare you to read this list of 41 things you need to let go of now and write down EVERY SINGLE IDEA that you need to let go of, so that you can be happy.
You know what…cancel that! I double-dog dare you.
You know you cannot turn down a double dog dare! It’s pretty much one of those unwritten rules in life.
Now, that you have accepted your dare, let’s get started with the first thing to let go of.
Being Happy All The Time
I don’t know who came up with this terrible idea that we have to be happy ALL THE TIME!
I mean even in fairy tales the princesses were miserable in the beginning of the story.
Well, that is until their prince in shining armor came and rescued them.
(Let’s not harbor on how some man came and rescued her and she was suddenly happy. That’s a whole other topic and ain’t nobody got time for that right now! Thank you very much.)
Now back on the subject at hand.
Even in romantic movies and books, the main characters go through a lot of shit to get to happiness.
Yet, you think you are supposed to be happy all the time!
You focus so much on being happy that it causes you to be unhappy!
Well, let me ask you one question…
How do you know what happiness truly is if you haven’t experienced sadness?
Being happy all the time is unrealistic and unattainable.
Being happy 24/7 is not going to happen ever in your life or the next one, okay?
Let go of this unrealistic expectation right now and I promise you, you will be happier.
Things You Cannot Change
Whew! I am on a roll!
You are def going to learn something today, so let’s keep going!
Most of the time, when we stress about something, it is about something that we cannot change!
For example, I got stressed out about a promotion. I didn’t get it. I talked to my boss about it. He told me why and yet, I went home, cried, complained, and told my husband about how unfair it was.
I said I was going to:
- Look for a new job
- Not complete my work or do it properly
Well, first of all, I was all talk.
Ya girl went back to her desk and got to work like nothing happened.
I even tried to improve upon where my boss said I lacked at. But at the same time, I made myself miserable!
I kept having negative thoughts and held grudges against the interviewees and my boss.
My job became miserable and I hated it!
Holding on to the “unfairness” and the bitterness made me sick, literally.
Which reminds me, if you are holding onto things and stressing about stuff that you cannot change then baby, it is time to sit down and evaluate your life.
In fact, make a list. Put a checkmark next to it if you cannot change it, and once that checkmark is there, LET IT GO!!
You will be better off, trust me!
Why is it that we hold on to bad relationships more than we do good ones?
I am not talking about just spouses, boyfriends, and girlfriends.
I am talking about friendships, cousins, mothers, uncles, fathers, grandparents, coworkers, any type of relationship that you can have with another human being.
If this relationship causes you:
- Physical pain
- Depression…anything negative consistently or constantly, you need to let it go right now!
This relationship is bringing you down and hurting you!
You cannot keep trying with these people if all you feel is negativity and you get only negativity in return.
You have to let it go!
Remember, Toxic Love don’t live here anymore!
Stop overextending your self for people who do nothing but treat you badly and screw you over!
You need to surround yourself with positive vibes and positive people so that you can succeed and go after your goals!
A lot of us were raised that if we make a mistake, we got yelled at or received a whooping.
This made us believe that if we made a mistake, we were doing something wrong, which is not the case.
The truth is, making mistakes is how you learn!
Repeat after me, MAKING MISTAKES IS HOW YOU LEARN!
From that mistake you made, you now know what not to do the next time that situation arises.
Now, don’t get me wrong, making the same mistake over and over again, is not good.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is called insanity.
So there is a difference!
(So if you keep going back to the same person thinking they are going to change and they never do, then you are insane! That is not a mistake!)
Making mistakes are healthy and necessary.
They are how you grow.
The sooner you make your mistakes, the faster you will learn. The faster you learn, the faster you can teach others how to achieve your result and help them avoid the mistakes you made!
Yes, you are probably thinking aren’t regrets and mistakes similar?
They are similar, but they are not the same.
Mistakes are something you can learn from while regrets are something that can haunt you.
Regrets are definitely things to let go of.
Regrets are things you cannot learn from and you can’t easily change them.
For example, I use regret that I didn’t stay in nursing school.
I figured by now I could have been a Nurse Practitioner and have made a decent living while helping people.
This regret stung even more because my roommate in college stuck it out and now has the job I dreamed of.
Now, that I work in a hospital and have a family, I see how demanding being a nurse, doctor, CNA is. It is hard work both physically and mentally.
I get exhausted mentally by some of the cases that come into the hospital and I rarely interact with the patient.
I let go of this regret and realized that what I thought was my ideal life was not for me.
There is something different for me instead. Which may be the same case for you too.
It’s time to let go of those regrets.
You cannot change them so why bring yourself down about it?
This brings me to the next things to let go of.
Let Go Of What You Thought Your Life Should Be
You have this idea of what your life should be and how things should play out.
Thing is, life is never going to happen the way you want it to.
Life gives you ups and downs.
You may stray from the path you thought your life should be going in, only to find that once you embrace this new direction, you will find peace and happiness.
If you continue to dwell on how your life should be and what should’ve happened, you are going to drive yourself MAD!
You are going to feel like you are not accomplishing anything!
Guess what though?
You don’t have to be married and have a family by 30!
You don’t need to know exactly what you want to be for the rest of your life!
You don’t need to have a timeline of your life down to when you will retire either!
Life does not go according to plan so you need to be flexible and enjoy the journey.
Giving up on the idea of what you believe your life should be, will relieve you of so much stress, anxiety, and worry!
And if you are looking for a way to figure out what truly makes you happy, get the self care guide below. This guide is full of planners, habit trackers, games, and assessments to help you incorporate happiness into your life in 15 minutes or less!
I get that no human being likes to be alone and I get that loneliness is more than just having someone to come home to.
Loneliness comes with:
- The feeling of being inferior or not being good enough
- A collection of negative emotions building up inside of you.
A lot of times people try to make you change how you are feeling when what you have to do is accept it.
When you accept what you are feeling and you no longer feel ashamed, you begin to find ways to counteract it.
For example, if you are lonely when you get home and it makes you feel inferior, maybe get a pet or a roommate.
If you feel lonely when you go out with couples, maybe take a friend along with you or don’t go out on dates where you are the third wheel.
Find what triggers these negative emotions within you, so this way you can combat them with positive things.
Staying The Same
You may want things to stay the same in your life.
You want to keep the same friends, the same house, the same lifestyle. Pretty much you want to keep everything the same.
There is nothing wrong with that, except you have to realize that everything changes. Nothing stays the same no matter how bad you want them to.
In fact, your friends or family, that you believe are acting funny, probably aren’t. They are changing for the better, while you remain the same. And you know what…you can’t hold that against them.
While you may not want anything to change, they may want the exact opposite.
Because of this, you will feel sad and feel left behind, when you should be happy that others are experiencing growth and new opportunities.
When you are ready to accept that things don’t stay the same, that you can’t control everything, then you can step out and grow too.
There’s pretty much nothing in life that you can control. So, letting go of this idea that you can make people, (or anything), do what you want when you want is absurd.
It will never work.
I mean you can’t even make yourself do what you want when you want, so how can you make someone else do it?
Letting go of control can make life so much easier because you will be a lot less disappointed when things don’t go the way you want them.
If you find yourself always comparing yourself to others, wishing you had done things differently, envying other people’s possessions and vacations, then it’s time to get off of social media.
Take a break and regroup.
Start focusing on what you have instead of looking at what others have.
Remember how great your life is and how amazing it is.
Focus on your goals and stop letting social media distract you from all the positive in your life.
A lot of the time, we feel like we owe someone because they may have done something for us in the past.
You feel as if that person is keeping score is ready to cash in.
Well, let me tell you a secret if that’s the case, if that person is keeping score, then that person is not someone who loves you and cares for you.
Real friends and family don’t keep score or debts.
They don’t expect you to pay up.
People who truly care for you would never put you in harm’s way so that they can come out victorious.
If you have a friend or loved one that keeps score or “makes you pay up”, I advise you to get rid of that person in your life because he or she is no good for you.
Gossip is one thing that you have to let go of to live a better life.
You have to realize that by gossiping you are spreading what you heard, but you don’t know if it is true.
You believe you are doing something fun and that it’s just important tea, when you could be ruining someone’s future and reputation.
Plus, by gossiping, you become focused on someone else’s life and not your own.
This results in you wasting precious time that could be used in a more fulfilling, fundamental, way that will positively impact your life.
Fear of Failure
Fear. Of. Failure.
This is one that you need to let go of right now so that you can transform your life.
If you are afraid to do anything whether it be:
- Change careers
- Meet new friends
- Try new foods
- Travel to a different country
- Start a new business…because you will fail, then hunny you are not living your life to the fullest.
Being afraid to fail is ridiculous!
Why should you be afraid to fail when you haven’t even taken the chance to see if you can succeed.
You are already failing by not stepping out and trying.
You will never know what you can accomplish until you at least give it a try.
Failure is not a bad thing.
It is not the end of your life.
Failing leads to a new beginning.
It means that you found one way to not do something which means you are one step to getting it correct.
You learn tremendously when you do not get things right.
Failure doesn’t define you.
Because you “failed” at something doesn’t mean you suck.
It just means you have to keep going because you know that it’ll work.
Yes, I am talking to you, your emotional shopper!
Just because you are stressed, had a hard day, feel like an idiot, are bored, lonely, depressed, whatever it may be, does not give you the right to go out and buy something.
No, you cannot have that new pair of shoes, coffee, sandwich, purse, jeans, suit, car, or vacation.
You know you cannot afford it, yet you still do it.
Which means you will be more in debt and that happy feeling of what you bought won’t last!
So what’s the point of causing more financial hardship?
I’ll answer that for you, there isn’t a point at all!
Go to the back of your closet.
Yes, you, go right now and take this device with you.
Do you see that shirt that you have tucked back there? Yup, that one. Take it out. Examine it.
If you thought, “man I didn’t even know I had this, or man I don’t remember the last time I wore this, or when did I buy this?”, put in a box and mark it donations.
It is time to give it away.
Go through all of your clothes and if you haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it.
You don’t need it.
No ifs, and, or buts about it.
Donate it right now or give it someone you know who would love it.
Getting rid of clutter will help you relieve some stress. Getting rid of stuff that you do not use means you have fewer things to care for.
Plus, you will be giving away to someone who will love it more than you, so that will make you feel great too.
You know that birthday party you said yes too, but you didn’t want to go because you have two other events you need to be at this weekend?. Well, cancel it!
You have to stop overscheduling yourself especially if you don’t want to go!
Why do it if it’s not going to bring you joy?
Say I’m booked.
Say sorry I can’t
Maybe next time?
Say whatever as long as it allows you to stop overscheduling yourself.
Scheduling a lot of things at once or in a short period means that you cannot fully enjoy yourself.
You will not be able to immerse yourself at the moment.
Instead, you will have anxiety..
Overscheduling leads to feeling overwhelmed. This leads to you not wanting to do anything at all.
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Job You Hate
If your job is making you miserable and you get sad when you have to go to work, or it alters your entire mood, it is time to change positions.
I am not saying quit your job immediately because that would be stupid! O Of course, you need another position lined up before you quit.
A job is where you spend most of your waking hours. You have to like it because you spend a lot of your life there.
If that is not the case, then it is time to look for something new so you can say arrivederci and good riddance!
Placing People On An Unrealistic Pedestal
So many times we want our friends or our partners to do exactly what we would do for them.
Thing is that will never happen because guess what you and them are not the same!
Your friends or your spouse are not you, will never be you, and will not do exactly what you think they should do.
The point of having friends and/or a partner is that you accept them for who they are.
You know them and you know what their reactions will be. You may not like their reactions or how they go about things but, you have to face the fact that you can’t change them.
You can’t overreact when your spouse or friend does something wrong or doesn’t do it the way you would have done it.
They are human.
They are going to mess up!
It’s up to you to accept them and love them for who they are and what they are.
First, let’s clear up the definition of jealousy. Jealousy is not I want what you have, that is envy.
Jealousy involves a third party that is a rival for affection (Source). It could be from parents, friends, spouses, etc.
Jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion to help preserve social bonds because it motivates you to do certain things to make sure your relationship stays intact.
The way to let go of jealousy right now is to not hide your feelings. Talk about your feelings and express them.
This can make you have a much-needed conversation with the person who’s affection you want.
By acknowledging how you are feeling, you get to release jealousy positively. Instead of lashing out, using manipulation, or even starting an argument.
By speaking about how you are feeling and why, you may be able to avoid a lot of negative feelings in your life and avoid damage to your relationship.
Letting go of grudges allows you to live your life with purpose.
It allows you to control your life and define your destiny.
Holding onto a grudge means you are holding on to anger about something that has happened in your past.
Anger is something that can destroy you.
It can make you miserable!
It can make you act out of character because you are unable to control your emotions.
Holding a grudge can make anything that reminds you of the person catapult you back in time to relive that terrible moment.
Holding a grudge gives you a sense of identity (Source). You know you have been wronged and you are the victim. You find strength in knowing that one day you will be able to gain justice.
Letting go of grudges is not easy.
You have to let go of that identity and step into a new one.
No longer is it about you. It will be more about the unknown. This new identity that you will take on, isn’t one who has been hurt in the past by someone.
This new identity is new and can go on about life with no more anger or hurt.
You can let go of your grudge by telling your story and sharing it, by loving yourself more, by knowing that you lived through the pain and are no longer living in it now.
You acknowledge that your suffering matters.
It is time to let go of excuses.
No longer are excuses accepted.
You didn’t go to the gym because the weather was bad, equals an excuse.
Let’s be honest you didn’t go because you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to do the work to make yourself a healthier person.
You give excuses to make yourself feel better about the decisions you didn’t take, when you should have taken them.
Which in turn, gives you a false sense of safety.
It’s time to let those excuses go.
Let yourself feel the real reasons why you didn’t do what you should have. This way you won’t feel comforted by an excuse.
Instead, you will feel motivated by the truth.
Not Caring For Your Health
Why are you doing so many things for others but not doing for yourself?
Why are you eating that crappy food, not practicing self-care, and not working to find your purpose?
Why are you going on each day without truly being present, not planning, and just winging life?
What is going on?
Do you know you are the only person who can truly take care of you and make sure you are ok? If you don’t, you cannot help others.
Taking care of yourself makes sure that you are the best you can be. That way you can be the best for your responsibilities, like your family, friends, and job.
You can take care of your physical health by going to the doctor, eating right, and exercising.
You can take care of your mental health by talking to someone and practicing self-care.
You can take care of your spiritual health by practicing your religion, finding a purpose, and meditating.
If you are looking for more ways to take care of your health, check out my ultimate guide to self-care for the mind, body, and spirit.
Did you know that anger can hurt you?
Anger is something that can hinder you physically and mentally.
If you have anger for a long time, you can develop anxiety, high blood pressure, and headaches (Source).
Having anger makes it hard for you to stay in control of yourself.
Your actions will be based on your feelings and emotions. Not based on logic.
This can make it hard for you to be productive in life.
This can make it hard for you to achieve your goals, develop social relationships, and be happy in life.
Letting go of anger can make you a more productive and happier member of society.
Overindulgence in unhealthy behaviors is something you need to let go of now. Things such as drinking too much alcohol, eating too much junk food, negative thinking need to be gone ASAP.
Even overindulging in healthy behaviors such as drinking water, working out too much, eating too many fruits and vegetables, can come at a negative cost.
Overindulging means having too much of something that makes life enjoyable. When you overindulge it means you are trying to improve your mood.
You tend to overindulge when you feel like the good feelings will flee unless you keep them present by doing something to keep you happy (Souce).
To stop overindulging when you are unhappy, you can take a moment and think about how these feelings will pass.
If you are overindulging to keep yourself in a great mood, focus on why those feelings will last instead of trying to make them last right here and now.
Worrying About Others Perceptions
If you are constantly worried about what others think about you, then how can you live your life?
How can you be happy?
How can you truly be yourself?
Letting go and not caring about what others believe about you means freedom.
You can say what you want to say, be who you want to be, dress the way you want to dress and do the things you want to do.
Doing all of these things because you are no longer concerned about what someone will say about you means that you get to live life according to your terms.
You get to find out what makes you happy, what makes you smile, what makes you want to wake up and take on each day with enthusiasm.
Being you and finding yourself without the opinions of others, means your life will be more fulfilling than if you listen to what others want for your life.
This is a big one and a hard one. Especially with social media.
When all you see are pictures of people with perfect bodies, a lot of money, extravagant vacations, cars, homes, and lives, you compare our lives to that and envy theirs.
You believe if only you had their life, you would be so much happier. This makes your life miserable.
But guess what, those beautiful doctored photos you see all over social media isn’t their lives either.
They are showing you the best moments of their lives. They are not showing the okay moments and for sure not showing the bad moments.
You are comparing your entire life to someone’s highlight reel.
Stop doing this!
Your life will never be like that especially since their life is not like that either.
You have to experience life’s downs to enjoy the ups.
Take a break from social media and focus on the good things you have going in life.
Practice gratitude and mindfulness.
Write down what you are grateful for.
Spend time with family and friends.
Spend time with yourself so you can remember what it is that truly makes you happy and feel at peace.
Comparing your life to others is only making you miserable.
I know pride is something that is meant to be good but pride can sometimes get in the way of things that you need to do.
For example, if you get laid off from your job and you have no income coming in, but you need a job asap, you should take a position that you may be overqualified for so that you have some money coming in. But, keep searching until you find the position that you are qualified for.
A little bit of income is better than no income at all.
Pride is nothing more than an ego.
To let go of it, you need to practice honesty.
Instead of buying something or going somewhere because a friend invited you, be honest and say you can’t go because you can’t afford it.
I notice that when it comes to pride, you pretty much pride yourself on your material possessions.
Instead, let go of your pride. Know that your material possessions do not define you. You are not them and they are not you.
Letting go of your pride will help you to make better decisions for yourself.
Trying To Make Everyone Happy
When you are doing things for others to make them happy ALL THE TIME, it takes a huge toll on your mind, body, and spirit.
You cannot make everyone happy. Doing so will make you very unhappy.
You will lose yourself!
You will forget who you are.
You will forget your dreams and goals.
You are so busy being and doing what everyone else wants you to do that you forget what you want and need out of life.
You have to stop trying to make everyone else happy and make yourself happy.
When you focus on everyone else, there is no one focusing on you.
Which means you are not living your life.
Since time is the most precious thing on Earth, you are wasting it on other people instead of doing something to make you love your life.
You only have one life to live. Once it is over, then your time here is up.
Don’t waste it on making everyone happy but yourself.
Your comfort zone is so precious. It makes you feel like you are laying by a fireplace with a weighted blanket and watching your favorite show.
That’s all fine and dandy but while you are there, in that comfort zone, tell yourself that this is it.
Being in your comfort zone means you are not growing.
It means you are not changing.
You are not challenging yourself to reach your greatest potential.
You are stagnant.
It’s time to let go of that comfort zone and push yourself so that you can create the life you dreamed of.
Aren’t you tired of the excuses people give you when you ask them to do something for you?
Like hey, can you help me out with…and before you can even finish the sentence they reply they can’t because of some lame excuse.
Isn’t that annoying?
Then why do you do it to yourself?
Why is it that when you need to do something or get something done, you tell yourself you can’t because you are tired, you want to watch a movie or the same lame excuse like that?
Why do you let your laziness take over when things that matter most and that will help you, you don’t do it because of some lame, lazy, excuse.
You don’t like it when people do it to you, so why keep jeopardizing yourself the same way.
It’s time to let laziness go.
Get out there and find a way to get it done.
Do you need to work out? Well, why not do it while watching your favorite show.
Do you need to get this paper done? Well, tell yourself you can’t have dessert until it’s done!
Hold yourself accountable.
Give yourself rewards and consequences.
Do what you need to do to let go of laziness right now!
The Grass Is Always Greener
I truly hate this saying. Instead, I prefer the grass is greener where you water it.
Yes, that life over there may seem better.
Yes if you would have made a different decision in your past, you may have been further along in your career.
Yes, to all the what-ifs.
Thing is those are only what-ifs.
You made your decision so now it’s time to water your grass.
You have to learn to love what you created.
You have to learn to accept the decisions you made.
You have to learn to respect them and stop living in the what-if land.
That land is not better because you don’t know what that life would have held exactly.
You don’t know if that life would have been better.
You can imagine and dream that it will be, but you can do the same thing with your life now.
If you water the grass you are on now, take care of it, tend to it, nurture it, you can have the best grass ever.
Better grass than your imagination and dreams could ever conjure.
Learn to accept your life.
Learn to have a positive mindset about where you are at now.
Learn that the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
Instead, it is the greenest where you take care of it. Which is right where you are standing.
Possessions That Cause Unhappiness
You ever buy something that you believe will make you feel good but in turn, it makes you feel horrible?
I do this. Especially when I buy my dream size pants. Every time I look at them it just reminds me of how my body isn’t up to par.
Maybe you have a car that causes you unhappiness because the payment is extravagant!
Whatever it may be, it is time to get rid of it.
The possessions that cause you unhappiness, (hello t-shirt from your ex), get rid of it right now!
You don’t need anything that brings negative energy around you. Only positive light from now on!
Whew!! This is a biggie. I gotta work on this one myself.
So, after talking with my husband last night, he reminded me of when he brought me my favorite cake, (almond torte, if you are wondering and would like to buy me one. Just kidding, or am I?)
Anyways, he brought me my favorite cake and balloons and I had a fit.
It was not what I wanted for my birthday so I was over it.
My day was ruined. Not by him but by my ungrateful attitude.
I didn’t see that surprise he had for me.
I didn’t see that he listened to me when I told him randomly what I liked.
I didn’t see the hurt I caused him because of how ungrateful I was. I only saw red.
By being ungrateful in life, you focus on your selfishness.
You focus on your feelings and don’t see what everyone, who loves you, is trying to do for you.
You don’t see the hard work others are putting in to bring you joy.
You don’t see how great your life truly is.
All you see is what is wrong.
What needs to be fixed.
Letting go of ungratefulness right now, allows you to focus on the positives in your life and allows you to be happier.
Plus, it allows those who love you to like you even more.
The Last Thing You Need To Know About Things To Let Go Of
From this list, you can see that you may be harboring a few negative things that are not allowing you to find happiness in the life you worked so hard to create.
In fact you can probably see that since you are holding onto a few of these things that you need to let go, you pretty much aren’t sure how to take care of you and your needs.
You want to find out who you are and what actually makes you happy, but you may need some help.
So, to help you out, besides letting you know what things you need to let go of so you can be happy, is that I created a FREE self care in 15 minutes guide that you can sign up below to get.
This guide in conjunction with the things to let go of, you will know what to do to make you happy.
My Top Secret Self Care Tips
for When You’re Stressed AF
Get the Self Care In 15 Minutes Guide for FREE so you can take care of yourself & stop the overwhelm!
Remember love always and spread bliss,