Self care seems to be easy to understand, right?
Like all it seems to be is something that makes you feel better when you’re in a funk.
You do stupid little activities, like take a bubble bath or go shopping to take your mind off of things that are going wrong in your life, right?
But what if there’s more to it than that?
What if you’re doing the whole self care thing all wrong?
In fact, I bet you are!
I’m going to go over 10 self care mistakes that you are making right now!
Let’s get started.
Self Care Mistake #1 You Are Self Soothing Instead Of Practicing Self Care
The first mistake and the biggest self care mistake I see is not knowing exactly what self care is.
When you say that you are practicing self care, you’re probably not. I bet what you are doing is self-soothing.
So what’s the difference between self care and self-soothing?
Self-soothing is something that distracts you during difficult times. It does not help you move forward or remedy the situation.
Self care is all about finding the meaning in life and doing things to support your growth.
When you practice self care you figure out why you are feeling the way you do.
You don’t use self care activities as a means of distraction. Instead, you use them to help you understand your emotions and to come up with a solution.
Self care is something that nourishes your mind, body, and spirit. It is something that should be practiced every day. Not just when your cup is empty or you had a bad day.
If you would like to learn more about how to take a proactive stance on self care, so that your cup can remain full and not get depleted, check out my self care digital planner, (insert link).
Self care Is Superficial AF
When you look up self care you see all of these beautiful bubble baths with bath bombs, unicorn lattes, and shopping sprees.
To be frank, a lot of that ish is superficial as hell and is only done for looks.
They are usually not done to help that person grow through their emotions but more as a way to get likes and comments on social media. Which is why I name practicing superficial self care as a self care mistake.
Plus, there ain’t no way, you, as a busy mom, have the time or money to do that, right?
Don’t fret, I completely understand!
Which is why I hear to help! In fact, self care for me, looks like writing to you, helping others, or hiding upstairs from the kids and watching an old episode of Grace and Frankie.
For you it may be reading a book, working out, cooking a fancy meal, or taking a nap!
The fact of it is that self care is different for everyone!
This brings me to my next point.
Everyone Practices Self Care The Same
Since everyone and their mama is practicing self care, then you probably heard a few activities that you should try because it will work for you, right?
Well thinking that self care is the same for everyone is a big self care mistake.
Things like going to get your hair done, taking a shower, reading a book, or going for a walk do sound nice, but if you:
- Don’t have the time
- Don’t have the money
- Don’t have the interest
THEN IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK FOR YOU AT ALL!
Yeah, these activities may work for your mom, sister, best friend, or your coworkers, but that doesn’t mean you are going to be able to process your thoughts while doing them.
Self care is all about trying different activities based on your specific emotions at that time. (If you want to delve deeper into this discussion, and learn more on how to practice self care that fits with your life, check out my course on Stress Less For Self Care Success right here.)
When you do activities that don’t interest you or help you grow, you become more stressed and overwhelmed because now you’re thinking about how you hate this activity and wish it was over.
Instead, you should be thinking about growing through life and being thankful.
Putting Yourself Last On Your List
One of the biggest self care mistakes I see is putting yourself last on your to-do list.
Now before you think I don’t get it, believe me I do. I am a mom of three, remember? I know you have a lot of stuff on your to-do list EVERY SINGLE DAY!
So much stuff that you have no time to do anything that would make you happy! But what if that thing took only 15 minutes or less.
You have to start making time to take care of yourself and stop putting your needs last on your list because if you don’t, you are going to burn out.
You are going to become so exhausted, mentally drained, and overwhelmed to the point that it will affect you negatively physically, spiritually, and mentally!
So which one do you want, to be burned out and over it all or to take 15 minutes and check in on yourself?
I thought so!
It’s time to actually make yourself a priority and learn how to implement self care the right way.
Drinking Your Problems Away (Temporarily)
When you come home from a stressful day of work and you see a messy house, kids screaming, and your husband ignoring it all, I know exactly what you do.
You head straight to your wine fridge and pour yourself a nice glass of wine, right?
Well, that’s all fine and dandy but what happens is that glass becomes a habit and next thing you know, you’re not having just a glass of wine but a few glasses. That right there is not self care.
Anything that does harm to your body, which alcohol does, when it is more than the recommended amount, causes you harm. That’s why I say drinking alcohol is a self care mistake.
You are not trying to practice self-harm right?
You’re trying to practice self care, right?
I Can Do It All By Myself
Whew! This one right here took me the longest to learn and to implement!
If I would’ve learned this self care mistake a long time ago, I would’ve saved myself so many tears, frustration, and headaches.
Basically, it’s time for you to take your cape off sis!
It’s time to face the truth!
YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF!
It’s ok to ask for help from your friends, family, spouse, and your kids. (That’s right, your two-year-old can pick up their own toys.)
When you ask people for help, you alleviate tasks are your to do list. This allows you to have more time on your schedule to do something that makes you happy.
You Never Have Any Time
Repeat after me, self care doesn’t take a lot of time.
Say it one more time.
SELF CARE DOESN’T TAKE A LOT OF TIME!
Now, that we got that down, did you know self care can take 15 minutes or less?
In fact, I have a free guide you can get that shows you different activities and games you can play, to help you practice self care in 15 minutes or less.
Now back to the program, for some reason, people believe that self care has to take forever.
THAT’S NOT TRUE AT ALL!
For example, let’s say you’re angry and you want to practice self care so that you can calm down.
A self care activity that can help you calm down so you can process your anger, is deep breathing.
When you practice deep breathing while being angry, you allow yourself to open up and shift your focus to your breathwork. This helps you to calm down because your focus is diverted from the topic that made you angry.
Plus, shallow breathing keeps you in fight or flight mode and slow, controlled, deep, breaths, allow you to instantly calm yourself.
Best of all, breathing doesn’t take much time, now does it?
You are Being Selfish
This is a biggie for you and definitely one of the biggest self care mistakes that is holding you back.
Isn’t it funny how you can go out and spend a million dollars on your kids and loved ones, but if you see a pair of pants on sale for $3 for yourself, you stop and think, “Do I really need these?”.
Why is that?
Why are you hesitant to do something for yourself? Even something so small as buying a $3 pair of pants.
Do you think it is selfish of you to do so?
I know you’ve heard this saying before, self care is not selfish. (And I’m not saying that buying a pair of jeans is self care.) What I am trying to say here is that doing something that is:
- Just for you
- Makes you happy
- Doesn’t cause any harm…Is okay for you to do!
I want to point out that it is true, self care is not selfish!
In fact, self care allows you to find the meaning of life and guides you through your emotions so that you have enough to give to your family, friends, and loved ones.
Because guess what, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Self Care Is Super Dee Duper Expensive
Remember that example above when I talked about breathing?
Yeah, how much does breathing cost you?
Oh yeah…that’s right, breathing is free. (Well, for now, it is. So take advantage while you can, sis.)
The point of this is that self care does not have to cost any money.
It doesn’t have to cost you money to read a book, (hello libraries and apps that allow you to download library books for FREE), breathe, meditate, watch a funny YouTube video, listen to a podcast, dance to music, laugh with a friend, recite a mantra, write down what you’re grateful for, etc.
There are so many things that you can do that are self care activities and guess what, they are all FREE 99.
So ditch the self care mistake of thinking it’s expensive right in the laundry basket like you do your bra when you get home from work.
Not Taking The Time To Process Your Emotions
I don’t know who came up with this dumbass, excuse my language, idea that we have to be happy go lucky 24/7. And if you’re thinking that’s the case, I’m going to pop your pink little bubble.
Being happy all the time is a crock of ish that needs to be exposed!
Like how in the heck is anyone on earth supposed to be happy all the time with everything bad that is going on?
In fact, if you are happy all the time, you are pretty much not being honest with yourself!
Yup, I am calling you out!
You need to feel every emotion that comes your way. The good ones AND the bad ones.
Self care is all about living through your emotions and growing from them. It is not about shunning them or suppressing them. It is not about wallowing in them either.
Self care is all about growth and navigating life.
How are you supposed to do that when you want to be seen as happy and perky 24/7?
Embed it’s okay to not be okay IG picture here.
The Last Thing You Need To Know About Self Care Mistakes
Girl, I didn’t mean to go all-in on you, but I just want to wake you up to some of the reasons why you aren’t seeing the amazing results that self care can provide.
I don’t want you to continue to be frustrated, confused, or overwhelmed as to why you’re not seeing any relief from life’s everyday stressors when you are trying to practice self care.
In fact, I want to see you succeed!
I want you to have at least one hour a day or more to practice self care, and feel less stressed, like before you heard the word mom 50 million times a day!
Which is why, I want to introduce you to Stress Less For Self Care Success so that you can stop making all of those self care mistakes and live a more stress-free and carefree life!
Remember Love Always and Spread Bliss,